LOVE
Love is joyful.
Love is kind.
Love is precious.
Love is blind.
But let me tell you this,
My friend.
It’s always painful
In the end.
BARBIE DOLL
My Barbie doll’s completely wrecked.
She’s been a single mother
And I had thought that Action Man
Just loved her like a brother.
THE IRREGULAR VERB 'TO BE'
I am here.
This is me.
No it's not.
It is he.
My wife and I,
I call us we,
Not him and her
But he and she.
So, we are here
As you can see
But, is it us
Or are it we?
AMNESIA
'How was it for you, Darling?'
'How was what?'
SEX WITHOUT TEARS
The worm is pointed at both ends
And replicates itself.
So, lady worms you’ll never find,
Neglected on the shelf.
MANLY APOLOGY
I’m sorry for smashing your goblet.
I’m sorry for kicking your door.
I’m sorry for groping your mother
And spilling my beer on the floor.
I’m sorry I peed on your roses.
I’m sorry it’s given them blight.
I’m sorry I spewed in your bedroom,
And trashed-up the hall in a fight.
I’m sorry I swore at your husband.
I’m sorry for wrecking his life
But, Darling, you know that I love you
And want us to be man and wife.
BUILDERS ARSE
My love has got a builder’s arse
His gut hangs out like jelly.
His finger nails are black as pitch
His underwear is smelly.
He clatters home in muddy boots
Complete with filthy jacket
But aye he’s welcome to my bed.
He brings me in a packet.
LIFE AFTER DEATH
No one now to welcome me,
Or wave a friendly hand.
None to hear my whispered word,
To smile and understand.
No one now to say, ‘Take care’,
Or catch me when I fall.
Just a lifeless, empty house
….and memories,
That’s all.